I wrote a 5 page paper on this piece. I don't think you want me to put that here, its a bit long. This piece is one I spent a long time developing ideas for, and it has many layers of meaning for me. In that way, I am very happy with it. Many more pieces have been extrapolated from this.
Fall 2006. Acrylic and a book on canvas.

EDIT! Thanks to feedback, I have decided to post the paper. Enjoy!


Feminism is something that has been a big part of my life for a while now. My biggest issue in regards to feminism in the United States, is body stereotypes. My boyfriend loves comic books. I like some comic books, it is a wonderful medium. Yet I hate most comic books, simply because of the people in them. Not just the women either, with their 5 inch waist, 36 inch bust, running around fighting crime in 6 inch heels. I hate the men too, with their rippling muscles. Both of these stereotypes are the norm in our culture, and can only be achieved by a life of pain and restraint, and only if you are genetically capable.
Feminism in art isn’t new. As we all know, art is a powerful revolutionary tool, and all people, including women, have been using it to express their ideas. I bet there’s even an older better painting done using the same symbols I have in my painting. That’s not going to stop me, because I am a painter. I love to paint, it is my favorite medium, and I plan to be doing it the rest of my life.
The images in this painting requires a lot of back story. One of my best friends is a stripper. She’s been doing it for years now, and is only within the past year or so has she been able to get up there and be proud of herself and her body and just dance. Old boyfriends called it shameful and her parents pretty much disowned her. So she’s a girl putting herself through college, and she loves to dance, and it’s a great way to make money. So, due to smart choices in her friends, she’s learning to be proud of herself.
Recently, Longmont decided to try and close the club she worked at. The city failed, but it hurt business, and she’s been auditioning at other clubs. A few weeks ago, she auditioned at The Diamond Cabaret in Denver. I mentioned it by name because I want no one to go there ever again. My friend is a very athletic and toned person, but she isn’t a twig. She’s gorgeous and healthy and thin, but she doesn’t starve herself anymore and she isn’t a size 0. She says that most of the other girls auditioning that night were that size. The managers told her to, “tone up.” To any girl standing there naked with even the slightest amount of self-esteem issues, that sounds like, “your fat.” When we, her friends, heard this, we rushed to console her. She has a history of eating disorders, so we worried about a relapse. At first, I was just worried about her. And then I got angry. I got really pissed at those assholes at the club. My feminist side woke up, and it wasn’t happy.
I was walking through my apartment, thinking about painting my friend something to cheer her up, and I saw page on the floor that I had ripped out of a magazine. It had bathroom door sign on it from a women’s prison. It was the stereotypical blue circle with the silhouette of a woman, and the below that it read, “INMATE.” The schema I have about women’s repression clicked with this image, and I saw the sign as a head. I grabbed my sketchbook excitedly, and started sketching.
As a head, it needed a body, and I wanted it to be a healthy one, not a pencil. I was hoping that the juxtaposition between the sign head and the normal body would click with the viewer. I hoped I would be able to convey the sickness I see between female body stereotypes, and reality.
Also, I was drawing reference from a door, the women’s prison door, and I saw fun parallels between doors, gateways and thresholds, especially in thinking. This painting being a statement about body stereotypes, I like thinking of the canvas as a door to new thoughts, so I sketched a handle to the side. I didn’t like how it fit in with my original vertical composition, so I moved everything horizontal. I adapted my background idea of a textured, halo like circle, in to the idea that it became on the horizontal composition.
The following day, my friend and I got in to a pretty big fight. The day after that I skulked around, and that night when I got back to my apartment I found a bag. The bag was filled with Band-Aids and random gifts saying, “One Band-Aid can’t heal an emotional wound, about 240?” I called her up, we hung out and forgave each other. One of the random gifts she had given me was a tiny handmade sketchbook with a purple cover, my favorite color. My friend said that it was to write angry thoughts about her in. I had no intention of doing that, and then I thought about my painting. Because it was a feminist painting, I thought about putting feminist quotes in the book, and putting it on the painting. Then I thought of the door handle, and the keyhole, and I loved the idea of painting the keyhole on the book. A lot of people’s introduction to feminist topics comes from literature and I love the idea of the book of quotes being the keyhole.
Around now is when I actually started painting. The painting process itself helped solidify ideas. When I first painted on that purple circle head, purple to go with yellow, I knew I didn’t want to put “INMATE” up there anymore. Knowing that the yellow female symbol would really be bright due to the complementary colors, I decided the symbol was enough, and “INMATE” might be too cliché.
At this time I also decided to really run with that symbol, and make it the body. I also knew that something had to go on top of it, or my message would be lost. I decided that myself would be a good emotional addition to the image. So the sketched over form is me.
While painting, I tried to branch out from my typical blended style, and the sketchy quality of the form is the result of that. When all was said and done, and I looked back at what I had created, I was unhappy. It was the brightest thing I have ever painted. Now, I love intensity. So, desperately, I glazed the background to punch it back. It worked, the forms are now more dominant in the piece, yet I feel that the color harmony is a little off now.
Also, I think the composition is a little dull. I had thought of having my arms extending out in poses, and I wish I had acted on that idea. I am exceptionally thrilled with my decision about the one nipple. I knew that my painting needed one more focal point, and I added that circle and was very happy. I think it’s a good compositional element, and it brings the eye to the breasts, which is a source of contention for many women’s body issues.
In conclusion, I don’t know how I feel about the painting. I look at it and go, “it’s OK,” and then I’ll look at it and hate it. I don’t feel it conveys anything about body issues. I think it looks more like it’s about identity. I have to let go of my plans for it, and let it be what it is. I think it’s done, but I’m not sure. I just needed to try something new for me, and I did. That’s enough.